There's a specific way I ended up becoming a coach, and it didn't start with a plan. It started with a question I asked myself while journaling: if I were on my deathbed right now, would I be happy with the life I led? My chest got tight sitting with that, because the easy answer, the one I'd been giving myself for years without noticing, was that everything was fine. Fine isn't the same as yours.
This week's episode is about the thought that convinces so many of us it's already too late to change anything. It's built around a woman who wrote into an advice column at thirty-six, certain that medical school would make her forty-three by the time she finished, too old to start. The response she got back was one line: how old will you be in seven years if you don't. That's most of the episode, right there.
The Science:
There's a concept from DBT I lean on a lot here, radical acceptance, pictured as a tug of war against a brick wall. Reality is the wall. It isn't pulling back, it was never going anywhere, no matter how hard you pull on your end of the rope. Fighting it doesn't change what's true, it just keeps you exhausted, still holding the rope. Radical acceptance is choosing to put the rope down, not agreeing it's fine, not giving up on what's still possible, just refusing to keep spending your energy arguing with the part that's already settled.
Try This:
A fillable version of this week's exercise, Write Your Own Eulogy. But write it from the perspective of a friend or loved one.
Take ten minutes. Write your own eulogy, the whole-life version, not the sad one.
First, the part that's already true: who you already are, what you've actually built and done up to today.
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Then let the rest go exactly the way you wanted it to. No expectations, no borrowed opinions, no practical reasons for no. Just write who you became, what you accomplished, who you loved, the adventures you had, etc. This is just for you. I invite you to really think about what your life would look like if you got to the end and felt like you lived a great life aligned with your values and true self.
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Reflection: What's one line from what you just wrote that you could start moving toward this week?
Work with Me: I take on a small number of coaching clients. If you've been reading this newsletter and the same question keeps surfacing, there's a next step available. The first step is a discovery session.
Have a question you want me to dig into? Reply to this email or DM me on Instagram (@18healing).
I'm in it with you.
Ilana