Here's the version of this I don't usually say out loud: even doing this work for a living, fifteen minutes for myself still has to be a decision I make on purpose. It doesn't happen by default. If it did, I wouldn't have needed to build an entire episode around it.
This week is about the mom who snaps at her kid over spilled water and knows, half a second later, that it was never really about the water. And about the fifteen-minute walk that, over time, grew into something bigger, without costing her anything she actually needed. We get into why an ask this small feels so disproportionately hard to justify, especially for women, and what self-care actually means once you get past the bubble bath image.
The Science:
Not all rest is created equal. Scrolling your phone for twenty minutes and going for a walk for twenty minutes are not doing the same thing for your nervous system, even though it’s identical time on paper. The kind of rest that actually changes how you show up afterward usually takes a little effort to get into, which is exactly why the depleting option, the scroll, the show, the thing that asks nothing of you, wins so often. It's not that people don't know what would help. It's that the thing that helps costs something to start.
Try This:
A fillable version of this week's exercise, The Fifteen Minutes.
Pick one small thing just for you, ten to fifteen minutes, something you keep skipping because it feels indulgent, unnecessary, or like there's no time for it.
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Do it once this week. Not because you've earned it. I want you to put it in your calendar right now.
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After you do the thing, notice: your patience, your mood, how you showed up with the people around you for the rest of that day.
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Reflection: What did you notice that surprised you?
Work with Me: I take on a small number of coaching clients. If you've been reading this newsletter and the same question keeps surfacing, there's a next step available. The first step is a discovery session.
Have a question you want me to dig into? Reply to this email or DM me on Instagram (@18healing).
I'm in it with you.
Ilana